last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
