He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
