the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
