do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I understand Curling. That high.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
