Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
