i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
