"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
