I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
