Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
