The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it because I queefed?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
