yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
