what day is it and did you see me today?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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