I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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