I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
