jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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