Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We talked him into tasing himself.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
