Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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