Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
