Got a toothbrush?
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
