I got chris browned last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
