Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
