You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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