my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
