Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
