So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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