That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
