Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had sex on a roof
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
