We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
