when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
