Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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