I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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