Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
