i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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