I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
tell me about the fingering
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
