so that wasnt chicken after all
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
