I want to make a zoo with you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
