Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this just has baby written all over it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
