I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
