I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
