You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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