the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
