I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
