I can text with my tongue
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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