Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
