I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
