We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
