the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
