He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
