I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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