Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
