Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
