Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
