I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
