why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
