Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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