so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I enjoy the company of your penis
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
