i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
